The Concrete Obvious & Delightfully Vague

Toronto, Canada.

2009-12-26T19:50:00.003-06:00

I do not think that I've actually bought a single CD in the past ten years. That being said, I could not possibly have listened to a wider variety of music and could not possibly have been exposed to more interesting range of genres and sounds.

Everyone seems to be chiming in with their best-of-2000s list and it's not like me not to have an opinion.

Most of my friends have always considered me to be somewhat of a music-snob. I'm the guy who's always been ranting and raving about the most obscure independent music... I know, it's obnoxious. Which is why it very much surprised me when I looked at my list of favorite singles from the past ten years and found it to be chock-filled of top 40 pop songs. In fact, it's an embarrassing reality to myself that says that possibly, quite possibly, the masses are right.

My favorite singles of the decade.

Britney Spears - Toxic (2003)

This is the perfect pop song. Brilliantly made. The tight beat, glitch-hop-infused production and gorgeous synthstrings create a unique soundscape that accentuates the bright spots of the star's voice while effectively minimizing her significant limitations. Bloodshy and Avant capture the sound of a bonafide celebrity at the peak of her fame.

Thicke - Lazybones (2002)

It's the sound of summertime. The first time I heard this I thought that it was Terrence Trent D'Arby. The highest compliment that one can deliver on a piece of pop music. Upon listening, you instantly can figure out how Robin Thicke became a star. Pharrell Williams or any of the other producers who worked with him didn't care about the singer's pedigree or appearance... they cared about his songwriting and soul. Nothing that he's put out since is anything close to as good.

Frisbie - Pollyanna (2000)

A hidden gem with the best lyric of the past ten years.... "popping bubble plastic just to keep me awake" I first heard about Frisbie in the fall of 2000, when they were right about to make the jump from local Chicago indie favorites to nationwide act. I love their brand of Beatlesque pop rock with brilliant lyrics and bouncy soul. This particular single has been on constant rotation in my house almost ever since.

The Killers - Mr. Brightside (2004)

This is the only song ever that's made me want to do karaoke. It comes on in a bar and every single person in the place starts mouthing the words. There's something special about that.

Rival Schools - Travel By Telephone (2002)

I put this song on and I want to go outside and skateboard through the suburbs. Good songs should always bring an emotion. For whatever reason this song reminds me of the diabetic coma that is Mountain Dew.

Maroon 5 - This Love (2002)

You heard this song on constant rotation for at least three years. First the indie stations jumped on it. Then mainstream rock picked it up. Then it was the theme song at your holiday party one year. Then your grandmother started humming it to you. There's a reason that this song had such legs. It's the same reason that makes you never want to hear this again even though you can't get that great chord progression out of your mind.

Gnarles Barkley - Crazy (2006)

The anthem of the decade. A wonderful piece of music that effortlessly leads itself to being covered. At Lollapalooza 2006 no less than 4 different bands played this song. The best of which was Jack White's Raconteurs, who just literally knocked it out of the park.

Foo Fighters - The Pretender (2007)

I'm not a fan whatsoever of the Foo Fighters. I find almost all their music to be derivative unoriginal suburbanite sludge. The kind of music that you expect to be on in the background while you're stuck buying gifts at Hot Topic. That being said, this track is such a stellar accomplishment of all that they are oh-so-capable of. A loud anthemic song with great energy and drive. Tight as can be. The greatest rock video of the decade backing it all up.... This is rock star extrodinaire. Dave Grohl is not only apparently the nicest guy in rock-n-roll. He's legitimately earned his street cred this decade through side gigs in Probot and Them Crooked Vultures.... oh and his history with those Nirvana folks ain't nothing to laugh at.

Air Traffic - Shooting Star (2007)

When I first heard this, I was convinced that this would become the biggest hit single in the world. That never happened. Perhaps they're not as good looking, or perhaps they had worse management than other acts.... but these British boys never quite built on their ridiculous SXSW buzz. Have a listen. It's the best Coldplay song of the decade, and it's by an entirely different band.

Depeche Mode - Dream On (2001)

Oh Martin Gore, how I hate you so. How the hell can you consistently write moody synth masterpieces that sound oh so organic? How can you utilize the tools and people around you so effectively? How can you make a simple guitar loop sound so damn good? You win. I give up.

Arcade Fire - Wake Up (2004)

An anthem that unintentionally served as the turning point for the decade. The song that served as the death-knell for the big record labels... for the classic four-piece rock band.. and for the formula of pop music as we know it. One of the rare tunes that sounds fresher the more you hear it. Watch this video. If you don't feel something after watching it, you are dead inside.

Toronto, Canada

2009-02-26T02:31:00.009-06:00

Every once in a while, we're lucky enough to be in an environment where the world's simple facade can be peeled away and we can peer into the juicy center.

There are many layers to modern life. Take this week's conference at the MaRS center in Toronto for example...

Over 400 people came out to this particular event. It was the standard tech-conference demographic makeup. 90% male. Everyone holding several wired devices. Laptops. iPhones. Facial hair.

As attendees filtered into the room for the poorly named "mingling" session we sat in the back as people quietly took their seats and logged on.

Ten minutes before showtime, the room was full... but no one was talking. It was quiet enough that you could quite literally hear every single noise in the room... and then I realized it.... I looked around and watched as hundreds of fingers typed secret messages to one another.

I grabbed my seat at the front of the room and logged onto Twitter. Entered the proper hashtag... and suddenly it all made sense.

There was a conversation. It was just silent.

These quiet, poorly dressed introverts were actually all involved in a highly opinionated and visceral discussion amongst themselves. The mingle was in full effect. Having all these hypertechs in one room at one time did have the same conversation-catalyst effect as a nightclub. The power of proximity was clear.

One woman had sent me a message on Twitter before the event "looking forward to meeting you there, you won't be able to miss me!" The irony was thick.

#wtf

Los Angeles, USA.

2009-02-13T10:42:00.006-06:00

The modern rock performance.

It's all about quality, not quantity.

From the moment the band took the stage, at exactly 11:14pm, to the moment that they left at 11:40pm a fury of non-stop energy.

Springsteen used to be known for 3 hour long shows. There are bands with 2nd encores longer than this... but no. 26 minutes flat. In and out. Onto the bus. Next city.

The whole entire tour can be recorded onto a single album.

A floppy disk instead of an iPod.

What can be said?

They had great haircuts. They wore skinny jeans.

Light show. Poses. 140 characters of noise.

The cultural equivilant of Twitter.

Iqaluit, Nunavut

2009-02-09T01:56:00.004-06:00

When you think of dogs, several things come to mind.

The family pet? Man's best friend? Lassie? Lunch? It all depends on where you're from.

The cultural context is key.

In this particular scenario, "Dogs" equals "the engine of the arctic". They are the machine that makes it all run.

We packed up our sleds and headed out from Frobisher Bay at sunrise. My wobbly morning legs no match for the sheer power of being drawn across a frozen lake by a team of vicious, rabid, meat-hungry wolves.

The first screaming left turn on the icy pass toppled over my sled as I grasped the handles for dear life. As I quickly learned... if you happen to let go of the sled, the dogs will keep on running towards freedom and you will be left in the cold barren wasteland alone waiting to die.

My Hebrew-high-school education never prepared me for this.

Polar bears. Knife fights. The Aurora Borealis.

Not a Starbucks in sight.

They say that the Inuit have fifteen words for snow. I have only one. "Snow". In short, the whole excursion can be summed up with this simple syllable. Snow.

A licky boom boom down, indeed.

Washington DC, USA.

2009-01-22T14:49:00.012-06:00

Did you watch the inauguration this week?

Sure, you did.

And so did everyone you know. And everyone they know. And everyone everywhere.

The largest human audience in the history of the planet gathered to share a collective moment, a passionate embrace with someone who we believe will make the world a better place. The vast scale and raw emotion of the moment was staggering. It was the moon-landing meets Woodstock meets New Years Eve meets the parting-of-the-Red-Sea.

Here's a character who may be the most popular human being of all recorded time solidifying his place into the collective consciousness.

Has it gone too far?

Yesterday, I had a serious conversation with an extremely bright friend where the topic was quite literally "Barack Obama is the Messiah. Discuss."

Please don't get me wrong. I like President Obama... in fact I essentially love the man.

I'm amazed at how much I do, in fact. I have newspaper clippings of him on my bookcase. I have several of his speeches permantly on view on my TiVo. I talk about him incessantly to anyone who will listen. I answer questions with "Yes, We Can".... I almost even bought the ridiculous Franklin Mint commemerative plate with his image on it.

We all have to be careful though.

Without getting too into it... Tuesday seemed like the set for the sequel to "Triumph of The Will". The passionate optimism. The nation captivated by a charismatic leader during a particularly rough time. Lengthy military parades... outpourings of love.... a man's last name becoming a fervant chant.

The "O" logo emblazed onto everything. Cars. T-shirts. Signs. Hats. Scarfs. Pins. Flags. Faces. Cereal Boxes. Tattoos. Brandings.

A nation captivated by the most charismatic figure since... well... um... yeah....

That one.

I'm going to keep believing that this is right. That we've all gotten behind something that's good for all of us. I'm going to keep believing that this is the greatest time of our lives. I'm going to believe that never before has so much opportunity been so within our reach.

We wanted change, we got it.

But if they start changing the name of O'Hare airport to O'Bama International... I might start getting a bit skeptical.

Can we all believe in a false prophet?

Yes, we can.

Toronto, Canada

2008-12-25T00:49:00.005-06:00

I haven't quite figured out why we measure the passing of time in calender years. It seems to be an interesting way for us to make the whole ridiculous mind blowing concept tangible.

That being said, it's a wonderful way for us to create best-of lists.

It's been an absolutely stellar year, one of amazing people and wonderful adventures.

Everyone's been piping in on their picks for "albums of the year", and this seems like my best chance....

As much as I'd hate to admit it, I think that when we look back at this year the MGMT disc is going to be the most remembered and the most representative of this year. "Time To Pretend" and "Kids" are instant classic singles... and although their live show is weak as can be, and although the album is full of filler (those two singles and "Electric Feel" notwithstanding) as a whole, it's the most interesting new work this year.

I love the Yeasayer "All Hour Cymbals" album (although I think that it came out last year).

People seem to hate it, but I'm a sucker for My Morning Jacket's "Evil Urges" disc. The Friendly Fires disc is outstanding and the first three tracks on it are on constant rotation in my house. There's about 20 seconds of Chinese Democracy that make me forget how much of a completely overdone meth binge it is. My favorite live show of the year was De Novo Dahl, who I saw twice and each time were awesome.

It's old material, but in the end I think that the 18-bit reissue of Faith No More's "Angel Dust" is the best thing I've come across this year.

My favorite single of the year was "Let It Rock" by Kevin Rudolf with Lil' Wayne. It's a perfect pop track, and is superbly produced. That "take me to new york I want to get away..." song was also catchy as hell but I hate it like poison.

I didn't see many movies this year. Perhaps this had something to do with my seventeen-seconds long attention span. I guess that the best thing I watched this year was this short film I ended up making it with these two really fascinating flight attendants on a long flight back from Taipei. Of course, few of you will ever see it and let us never speak of it again.

My favorite TV show in 2008 was Little Britain USA, although I'm still a sucker for episodes of Maury Pauvich on YouTube. You are not the father, indeed.

What do you think? Anything good to share?

Toronto, Canada

2008-12-04T17:41:00.007-06:00

A beautiful December morning.

There's a moment where I think to myself... does the guilt I get from consistently lying to all my friends and family negate the overwhelming warmth I feel from getting showered with love and well-wishes?

Regardless.

A social experiment.

How many birthdays can one person celebrate in a year before people catch on?

My guess. Three.

In actuality. Four.

You see, every couple of months I've been quietly changing my birth date on Facebook. And every couple of months THE SAME PEOPLE are wishing me a happy birthday

December 4th was my fourth birthday of the year.

You may recall the excellent birthday that I had in August or the wonderful one in June.

I agree, the one in April was kind of lame.

I used to know some fairly stupid people who would spin themselves silly on birthdays screaming "May you live until ONE HUNDRED and TWENTY!!!"

Well, this year... in one year alone...

I did.

Toronto, Canada.

2008-11-09T11:00:00.006-06:00

I've never quite understood how different decades have a distinct feel to them. It just never seemed to jive with me. And then this week happened.

Think about how people have looked back at the 1960s.

Think about the optimism and hope that time meant to people. Think about the great strides in human innovation and the shattering of the conventions of the past. Think about the open minds and free spirits. Think about the change.

It all starts making sense.

This is our 1960s.

The collapse of the traditional global economy has necessitated people to harness their creativity and spirit just in order to make ends meet. Communication advances have made it possible to unharness ourselves from our static lives and truly interact with others, everywhere.

We're no longer stuck in our cubicles.

There's an overall freedom of mind and spirit. Perhaps it's the fact that we now all have access to all the information in history via the internet? Perhaps it's the way that we all carry thousands of songs on our portable entertainment devices? Perhaps the plethora of pornography is responsible for some twisted sort of new sexual revolution?

Free your mind.

Our voices are our most powerful weapon. We become part of communities and activist groups, perhaps not in person... but through the Face Book. We are not afraid to express ourselves. We wear our colors on our sleeves. We can add those who we agree with and block those who stand in our way.

We redefine that which has been sacred. We leave our pathetic starter marriages. We become open to unconventional interactions. We thrill with the new ideas, the new ways of living. We marvel at our friends. The best and brightest forming our new social circles.

We are captivated by leadership who we actually look up to. We feel the power of youth.

It's a complete global movement. The rise of the creative class, indeed.

In thirty years, we'll be talking about 2008 like our parents talk about 1968.

Chicago, USA.

2008-11-05T11:59:00.010-06:00

I'm not sure when it hit me.

Perhaps it was when I realized that this was the largest group of people I have ever seen in one place...

Perhaps it was when I noticed that the crowd was made up of every single type of person, from every walk of life....

Perhaps it was the complete lack of fear... the amazing vibe... the sheer honesty of the whole moment...

Or the idea that the every individual combined formed a collective that was truly greater than the sum of it's parts...

Maybe it was the gratification that comes from a payoff that was more fulfilling than anyone could have imagined.

But it hit me.

And I will never forget it as long as I live.

Phoenix, USA.

2008-11-04T02:45:00.007-06:00

A barren dessert.

Millions of people. A significant drought of dermatologists. Empty streets, chain restaurants and gentleman's clubs. The valley of the sun.

I suppose I lived here when I was a child. I can't really remember it all that well. Either way, Phoenix seems to be known for three things. Hot weather. Cold people. John McCain.

The poor guy doesn't have a chance.

So I thought let's help him out. See, Presidential politics is all about how you market yourself.... and right now aside from the 'creepy mothball' demographic, the man is suffering.

An idea.

Make him hip again. Speak to his core constituencies in a way that brings out their memories of what's cool combined with items they use in their daily life.

So I made a poster.

God bless America.

Los Angeles, USA

2008-11-03T02:42:00.011-06:00

"Hi there.

This is surreal.

Greetings from the Airplane Graveyard.

We're in the middle of the Sonoran desert and the planes keep landing. A 747 from hong kong just pulled up... A 777 from Chile.... The middle of nowhere. Apparently LAX is closed for a bit. Everything in the southwest is being sent somewhere else. Feels very nine eleven. I wish it was feeling a bit more seven eleven. I'm starving and there's no food left on the plane. Want potato chips. Want you."

A direct cut-and-paste from a text message conversation that I had several nights ago as my plane dove towards a random desert airstip airport east of town... running for cover as the naton's 3rd busiest aiport unexpectedly shuts down for a few moments.

Staring at strangers from all over the world through small little windows.

What is going on?

Chicago, USA.

2008-09-30T07:29:00.010-05:00

The businessman listens aptly, his attention focused on every word out of my mouth.

"So, these beans... you say that they're magic?"

"Yes."

"Well how do I know that?"

"Look at them. Aren't they spectacular!?"

"I mean... they're ok...."

"You know... If you're not interested, I have people lined up for these around the corner."

"No! Wait! I'm very very serious about this opportunity! Yes! Um...What am I looking for exactly?"

"Observe the shine. Look at the natural texture. Can't you just feel their power? Ignore the tangible 'bean', concentrate on the intangible magical properties."

"They're amazing. I'll take five hundred."

"I only have three left. Don't worry. We can work something out."

God bless this wonderful economic circumstance we find ourselves in.

Toronto, Canada.

2008-09-09T15:35:00.014-05:00

There's a curious social sphere surrounding film festivals.

A distinctively public and social festive environment dedicated entirely to celebrate the remarkably private and solitary activity of watching a bright screen in a dark room.

Common folk act like celebrities so that they can sneak into the private parties, which are really public parties that have to act exclusive in order to sustain the fickle interest of the masses. Meanwhile, famous actors and movie-folk are all acting like nobodies so that they can slip around undisturbed.

Everyone's pretending to be someone else.

Then, there's the slew of subjective awards.

Awards that are handed out even though it would be physically impossible for any group of people to view and comprehend and then compare and contrast the entirely of the 300 films in 'competition' over the ten days.

It's amazing ridiculous.

The iconic imagery of the red carpet.... The metronome of flash bulbs... the piercing screams.... the shiney shiney....the lonely psychosis of superfandomania....

A microcosm of "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" in a world of "please...please don't look at me".

Toronto, Canada.

2008-08-29T09:37:00.001-05:00

A social experiment.

How many birthdays can one person celebrate in a year before people catch on?

My guess. Three.

The funny thing is that people who were actually AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY less than two months ago are still wishing me the best this morning on, this, my third birthday of the year.

Fascinating.

You see, every couple of months I've been quietly changing my birth date on Facebook. And every couple of months THE SAME PEOPLE are wishing me a happy birthday.

The messages on my wall are wonderfully 'personal'... such as "Wow! Same day as me!" (Nope.) or "I always knew you and I get along because we're both August babies" (I'm not one. And we really don't get along.)

We use birthdays as a form of identification and as a secure means of checking legal age, social qualification and astrological sign.

"What is your birthday?" is the question that is generally used to differentiate similar people with the same name who are mistakenly on the no-fly list.

It's on those forms you hand in at customs at the airport. It's how people choose their lucky lottery numbers. When timed correctly, it's good for a free piece of cake at your favorite chain restaurant.

Birthdays are probably not the most static and secure piece of personal information.

(1) Who's going to prove you wrong? There's no real way to prove what DAY someone was born on.
(2) People generally have no memory for remembering occasions for which they were not a part.
(3) People like the positive feeling and feedback that they get when they acknowledge another person regardless of whether or not the reason for the praise is valid.

It seems to be a pretty serious social taboo to mess with your date of birth.

"I know that's not really your birthday."

Come on. Do you have anything to suggest that the date which I am referring to my birthday now is any more or less valid that the date I may have told you before?

Life goes on... it just gets harder and harder to blow out all the candles on the cake.

New York City, USA

2008-08-26T18:27:00.007-05:00

"Pardon me sir, where is the Men's Room?"

The Men's room.

A euphamism if there ever was one.

It sounds like some fancy, exclusive club.

A place to negotiate contracts and debate the minutia of some professional endeavor.

Yes, you too can be invited inside this sphere of influence and prosperity.

Chicago, USA

2008-08-15T18:20:00.012-05:00

There are two Chicagos.

Maybe three.

They exist at completely different Cartesian coordinates.

I can't quite figure out what made the pilot change directions, but we're clearly in the other one.

I strike up conversation.

"You've changed, Jim. You're a completely different person."

Perhaps that's because he is.

He has no idea who I am or why I'm talking to him.

He's staring at me like I'm a complete stranger. Which I am.

Nice buildings. Beautiful waterfront. Passionate optimism.

New York City, USA

2008-08-05T00:46:00.014-05:00

He seemed like such a nice man the moment I got into the car.

"Hello Sir. Where to?" he asks in his strong Indian-tinged accent.

"39th and Lex."

"Ok, right away."

And we're off. The taxi rolls into action. Shoots down through the Village like Knight Rider. The poor driver is losing his mind. Swearing like a sailor.

"Fffffffffuckkkkkkkk YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!" he leans out the window and screams at a man legally crossing the street.

"FFFFFFFFffffffffffukkkkkkkkkkk YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!" at the woman in the Honda alongside as he swerves to cut her off, almost tossing her and her car straight into Gramercy Park.

"FFFFFUCKKK YOUUUUU!" to the left. "FFFFFUCK YOUUUUUU!" to the right.

Rollercoaster meets Bangalore meets Tourettes.

Holding on for dear life. Breathing. Breathing. Breathing. Stop.

"Thank you." His demenour instantly shifts back to calm blue ocean.

I arrive at the restaurant where my friend begins to describe for me the New York social scene.

The way I understand it, here... everyone is a proverbial cab. Everyone's vacant light goes on every once in a while. There might be good fares, and there might be those that decide to leave before paying... but in the end...the whole social interacion thing is a truly temporary experience.

There are lots of nice cabs. They'll take you anywhere, anytime... but you're likely to just get taken for a ride.

Love New York.

Vancouver, Canada.

2008-07-27T17:34:00.011-05:00

You can always tell who your good friends are.

When you're together, you never talk about the past.

Sure, you know it's there.

But it's not about that.

There's so much more to talk about.

This sounds like fortune cookie.

Taipei, Taiwan R.O.C.

2008-07-25T02:53:00.012-05:00

Everyone is smoking.

The waitress, the chef, the cab driver, women, men, children.

Lots and lots of children.

Philip Morris himself would be proud.

I'm enclosed in a foggy glass cylinder 40 stories above the earth.

Does "smoking makes you die" not translate to Mandarin?

I guess it's a form of population control.

They could not possibly squeeze more people onto this island.

But, aside from that... it kind of reminds me of Canada.

A small nation of colonialists smack dab beside the most important nation on the planet. Shared language, shared culture, different values, more donut shops. Better health care.

A giant tower that was built to draw the world's attention but has ended up in second place.

Taipei is to Shanghai as Toronto is to New York. Smaller, more manageable.

Less variety, more consistency.

A cleaner subway system. A lifelong inferiority complex.

A love/hate fascination with the other side.

The true east strong and free.

Tokyo, Japan

2008-07-19T22:49:00.010-05:00

I love Japan. Love love love love love Japan.

A cartoon-wonderland amazing robot happy.

Nonsensical. Working perfectly. Progress. Amazing!

The woman's smile shows joy for happy is upon her.

We all love sunshine.

Paris, France

2008-07-18T20:13:00.007-05:00

We sit down at a beautiful sidewalk cafe in the 2e Arrondissement. The waitress comes to take our order.

"Une sandwich rosbif avec frites s'il vous plait."

"Non."

"What do you mean." I ask.

"Zis izz the salad side" says the waitress.

"The salad side?"

"Oui. On zis side you can only order the salad. On the other side you can order za sandwich."

"You want me to physically switch sides of the restaurant?"

"Oui, Moisseur."

"I cannot get a sandwich on this half of the restaurant?"

"Non."

"But I can on the other side of the floor?"

"Oui."

Dead silence.

I start humming the overture from Les Miserables and start pondering ways to rebuild the barracades in the street.

Boston, USA

2008-07-17T19:40:00.010-05:00

A fitting observation in Beantown.

Every time you see five males walking together down a busy street you can ALWAYS attribute the characters of the individual members of the New Kids on The Block to each individual member of the group.

This isn't a once-in-a-while thing. This is a law of nature.

It is fact.

In any given group of guys, one of them is always the ruffian. This guy usually has a bit of facial hair, perhaps some cheapie tattoos under his clothes. He is the Donny Wahlberg of the organization. A rough-uncontrollable force who's favorite thing to do is to "look cool".

Then you have the Jordan Knight. The good looking, ambiguous-acting gentleman who's wearing a blazer... because he can. You know that he gets more dirty action than anyone, but you just can't picture him in that situation.

Danny, the ugly one, always has to let his personality shine to make up for a complete lack of talent, skills or balance. There's always one in every group. "The friendly uglies". The ones who make you look better.

Joey was the youngest. And then there was some faceless filler who looked kind of like a rat.

How the hell do I know this?

Toronto, Canada

2008-07-11T13:27:00.006-05:00

Everyone wears black. Everyone.

I'm standing out because I'm wearing brown.

Perhaps that's not it.

Perhaps I stand out because there isn't an image of a rotting skull on my clothing? Perhaps I stand out because I don't have homemade tattoos? Perhaps it's something else?

They take the stage.

Their day jobs long done. Drapes of long straight hair cover their faces.

The 'singer' lurks towards the microphone...

"Bcheeeehhh!! FOOOS!!!!! KILLLLL!!!!! AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

An amalgamation of absurd guttural noises come out of his mouth. He speaks in a voice that sounds like a mean version of the Cookie Monster. The crowd goes wild.

The next three minutes of life blur together.

Death metal is a cultural phenomenon like no other.

Highly intricate and technical. Mind numbing instrumental arrangements. Lyrics that would scare small children if they were intelligible. Something so precise, so vicious and so nonsensical.

Really peaceful countries create the best death metal. The gentle people of Scandinavia are known all over the world for their wonderful social programs and stylish furniture. They're also known as the heart of worldwide dark music.

Scary music comes from unscary places because that is what they do not know. Norweigens and Swedes have no idea what it's like to live in terror, so their artists present the inverse image to the world. Meanwhile, all the music out of such social hellholes as sub-saharan Africa sounds like a cheerful upbeat soundtrack to a Disney parade. Images of smiling bongo players and beautiful dancing colors contradict the harsh reality of waking up in the Congo.

"Canada is a land of social welware and beautiful parks" I think as the second verse to 'Mutilated Vermin' rips through the venue.

Buffalo, USA

2008-07-09T11:40:00.004-05:00

Why does your surrounding environment dictate how you feel?

Is it variability of the weather? There’s an effective argument that says that a place where inhospitable weather is a likely occurrence creates a sense of urgency that encourages people to enjoy the season.

This explains why the summer in seasonal places like Toronto, Helsinki or Chicago are so fantastic and worth experiencing. They are temporary moments. You never know how long they will last. You do whatever you can to maximize the experience.

But then… what happened to Buffalo? All of the anticipation and excitement that is the summer seems to have been sucked away by a combination of rust belt sensibilities and the cultural vortex that is Niagara Falls.

The answer is simple.

There is a God, and God hates Western New York State.

The Holy One, Blessed be He, has started the flood here.

You think the Falls are “romantic” and “scenic”? Fools.

You can’t build an ark out of chicken wings, sinners.

Chicago, USA

2008-06-28T21:36:00.006-05:00

Wicker Park.

I lean into the stacks closely to read the titles at a quirky bookstore fitly named “Myopic books”.

Piles of classics, beat poetry, chick lit and jitterbug funk to go through. A stream of adventures waiting to be explored. Literate hipster paradise.

Suddenly, I stumble across a dusty old book jacket. I pick it up.

“Thirty Things Everyone Should Know How To Do Before Turning Thirty”.

Oh, come on. Am I on Candid Camera? Is this for real?

Fine. I’ll bite.

I pay the $6 and put the paperback into my man-bag.

It turns out that I have a lot to learn. Quick.

I turn to a random chapter → ‘How to write superior thank you notes.’ How hard could this be? Apparently, and according to the book… the key is to emphasize and concentrate on the adverbs and verbs. The rest is inconsequential. People do not read it.

Dear so-and-so, thank you so much for the AMAZING whatever. I really LOVE it. It is the GREATEST and most MARVELOUS thing I have ever seen. I want to DRINK your blood. You are the BEST. LOVE, Daniel.

There. Easy.

Palmetto, USA.

2008-06-24T21:08:00.014-05:00

A white minivan pulls up.

"Where you going?"

I give the gentleman the address.

"I not going there." says the driver.

"Excuse me?"

"That is south. South is jungle. Go north instead."

I'm at a loss for words. Generally, airport cab drivers are more than willing to entertain the idea of a large fare from an evening arrival. Generally, they're more than happy to take you to anywhere on the map.

"Go north. North is nicer. I take you downtown, ok?"

"No."

"I don't know where it is. You know where it is?"

"Sure."

I give him the address. Serenbe is a gorgeous self-sustaining community about 30 miles south of Atlanta. A kibbutz for grown-ups.

"You find it."

He throws a third-world GPS unit into the back seat. He starts slowing down and pulling over to the right lane of the road as he stares at me suspiciously through the rear-view.

I fumble around and enter the address. Three rounds of American Airlines' vintage merlot is racing through my bloodstream. I'm tired and cranky. I'm confused. This usually doesn' t happen this way. I hand him back the machine.

We start south on I-85.

About ten minutes later, the GPS starts making noises. "Turn left on hwy 14. Baleebraham Achnanoo Ahaveh". A combination of english and what I assume is digitized arabic.

Perhaps it was information overload, perhaps it was just a rough night. Either way, he starts screaming... "Where I go? Where I go? Ahhh! Jungle! It is jungle!"

I can only assume that we have different definitions of 'jungle'.

"There are animals here! Look! I throw carrot! Deers come! Look!"

He's not throwing carrots, although I think that he thinks that he is.

"Read the Directions! Read Them! READ THEM!!!"

I cannot read squiggle. I let him know this. Either way, it doesn't matter. We're going in a perfectly straight line.

His increasing hysterics could not possibly be more juxtaposed with the calm serenity of the natural environment outside of the car.

We arrive. I tipped him well for the theatrics and made my way down the dark gravel road that is the front entrance of Serenbe.

Ultramodern in the middle of nowhere.

Exactly what I was looking for.

New York City, USA

2008-06-12T12:27:00.007-05:00

Use Seat Bottom Cushion For Floatation.

It’s written so matter-of-fact. A gentle typeface embroidered on a cool blue seat. It’s almost as if you’re not supposed to understand what you’re reading. It’s the kind of thing that if you truly comprehended what it was saying, you’d be taking the train.

If you happen to be in the position where you're contemplating using your seat bottom cushion to float, chances are that you’re almost about to…well… stop being alive.

Airplanes are designed to fool you. The whole environment is specifically designed to keep you calm during a spectacular series of challenges of the laws of nature. You are flying on a speeding bullet eight miles above the earth rocketing towards a different time and space.

From the second that you board, the gentle “Hello sir, how are you?” from a pretty woman in a nice uniform with a nice smile masks the true answer of “I’m terrified because you’re about to transport me into the ionosphere on a mechanical bird, you crazy bitch”.

The beverage service. The truly informative “how to use your seatbelt” demonstration. The clean organized rows of seats. The reassurances of the captain that we’re “over Charlotte, North Carolina”. The pillows and blankets. The smiling. The portal sized oval windows. The lack of a glass floor.

Babies get it. They understand because they are oblivious to the messaging. The second the plane powers up for takeoff, they start screaming. Nothing is more alarming to their months-old minds than the idea of being pressurized and shot into the sky.

Theme parks get it. They put signs saying “Scream!” on the top of rollercoasters. They cover them in strobe lights and laser beams. The whole environment encourages you to get high and make out with girls in the washroom.

Meanwhile, the most amazing experience that you may ever be a part of is watered down into a puddle that you might have to use your seat cushion to float on.

Orange County, USA

2008-05-22T12:00:00.003-05:00

Never pack fireworks in your bag.

It's one of those cardinal sins of air travel. The kind of thing that's pretty much guaranteed to get you onto the no-fly list for several years.

After a quick visit to Canada for the holiday weekend, I board an airplane to go back home. Of course, thinking nothing of the alcohol soaked celebration of Queen Victoria's birthday I completely neglect to remember that I may have been using my suitcase to transport around...oh... I don't know... ten unexploded roman candles.

The thought completely escapes my mind.

Of course, the next day I find myself crossing through security at the airport. Suddenly, as I'm next in line... it occurs to me.

Oh my God, I'm carrying a bag full of explosives.

I'm sure that the kind people at airport security are well trained in behavioral profiling and how to spot nervousness. My sweaty forehead and twitchy demeanor says it all. But I've committed to going through the line, and I'm next... and I figure that I can explain it all away.

I put my bag on the belt. I walk through the metal detector.

"Sir, is this your bag?"

Hello prison.

"Sir, we'd like to have a look inside."

Sure, nothing to lose now. I picture a SWAT team ready to zoom in and take me out. I envision the look on the agent's face as he pulls out stick after stick of fireworks with names like "Bazooka Blaster", "Red Deathball" and "The Nine Eleven" from my luggage. Fuck.

I figure that smiling will get me out of this. So I start.

So I'm standing at the security counter while a man unfortunately named (no joke) Kalid Mohhamad is rummaging through my unfolded clothing looking for something. And I'm smiling like a maniac. And I know that this is all going to end terribly.

"Sir, Thank you."

The bubble pops.

Excuse me?

"Sir, A routine baggage check. Have a nice flight."

Atlanta, USA

2008-05-16T16:45:00.009-05:00

6:45am.

I wake up with a large man in my room.

"Good morning" I say. "Who are you?"

The man is wearing a suit. He looks serious.

"Oh, I thought this room was vacant."

This room is not vacant.

I am on the 67th floor. There's no real escape option. I figure that this is the end. I start thinking of things to throw at the intruder. The alarm clock. A pillow. I'm running out of ideas.

"We heard that the storm blew out this room. I'm sorry for the disturbance sir."

I figure that I'm not dreaming because things like this do not happen in dreams.

Last night there was a ridiculous tornado storm here. Apparently some people in room 6710 had a very very wet evening. In my mind, I imagine that they were sucked out into the vortex.

I pour some coffee and walk downstairs into the geometric maze.

Stamford, USA

2008-05-15T15:10:00.003-05:00

“There must be a sale on button down shirts.”

Perhaps everyone got an extra vacation day. Perhaps sales increases are becoming linked to employee morale. Perhaps it was a particularly good day at the insurance convention. Either way, this is a particularly hot night at the random suburban hotel bar. They’re segmented according to department, and clearly the boys in interoffice payroll are feeling it. They’re seated in a semi-circle around the table, their middle management in the middle, their free hand cradling their blackberries, their wedding rings in their pockets…

We observe.

Perhaps Ramona in receivables will be the one who falls first.

She’s looking tipsy off of her second Corona. She’s cute in that frazzled desperate business trip way. She’s amazed that she is this close to New York City.

It’s a high school dance party meets the JC Penny catalogue. The voyeurism is enticing.

Our attention shifts.

“Who would win in a fight? A Porcupine or a Panda?”

“Excuse me?”

Setting up fictitious animal battles is always a good way to change the direction of conversation.

“What do you mean?”

“Seriously, who would win in a fight? A Porcupine or a Panda?”

“A Panda, I guess. It’s a bear.”

“No. Not really. A Panda is just a glorified raccoon.”

“How do you figure?”

Dallas, USA

2008-04-27T08:14:00.013-05:00

There's this steakhouse.

If you walk in wearing a tie, they'll cut it off.

It's their thing. Their reason d'etre.

Vegetarians don't last long here. They have to account for the cognitive dissonance that occurs when they're forced to realize that every 'vegetable' in this state was once a part of a living breathing cow. It must be difficult.

Meanwhile, I was somewhere between the railyard and the stockyard when I remembered that I had not eaten anything green in a week.

"Scurvy isn't a disease, it's a reaction" he says to himself.

The waitress just stands there, twirling her hair.

Toronto, Canada

2008-04-23T18:16:00.010-05:00

Every once in a while you need to treat yourself.

A little something to make the bad man go away.

So, I bought myself a brand new camera.

Here's the kicker though.... this is a camera that has the most interesting built in feature. You press a button, and it quite literally makes you smile. I have no idea how they do it. Fucking face recognition and robots and fancypants mumbo jumbo ridiculous awesome. It's amazing.

You can't make this shit up.

A machine that makes you smile. I cannot tell you how fitting this is. So right for the moment. Sometimes the Lord works in mysterious ways... other times, it's just excellent engineering and available in a glass case in Chinatown.

So I'm hanging out in my completely empty house... making frowns that turn upside down.

Everything changes. Hello. Good Morning.

Suddenly it's a beautiful day.

Just had to press the right button.

Winnipeg, Canada.

2008-01-20T22:01:00.001-06:00

"Hey let's go to visit the family in Winnipeg this weekend."

"Sure!"

Fuck. It is minus 40 degrees in Manitoba. I do not even own a proper winter coat.

This was clearly the coldest two days of my entire life.

If there ever was a reason to build a city around heated tunnels.... but alas... enter a slew of abandoned iced cream shops and a faceless fur-covered populace.

A land literally frozen in time.

The local newspaper seriously captioned the weekly weather report "Winter Week from Hell".

Sometimes, if you wrap your scarf just tight enough... you black out before you lose the feeling in your legs.

Toronto, Canada.

2007-12-16T21:51:00.000-06:00

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

But I must be dreaming out loud, because somehow the Lord has smitten us all with this awful plague.

Seventeen million pounds... sorry... kilograms... of snow, eh?

I keep oscillating between believing that global warming is bullshit and believing that I should be burning my wool clothing. I still can't decide.

Toronto seems to be having an identity crisis. It thinks it's Oslo. Perhaps it's the early winter blast. All I know is that everything here is clean, cool, well designed and ridiculously expensive.

I love it.

Chicago, USA

2007-12-11T00:21:00.001-06:00

A complete train wreck.

The Jerry Springer show isn't high culture. You pretty much know what to expect the second that you walk in the door. That being said, it's impossible to truly understand the absolute depravity of the human condition that exists on that show.

The people on stage are not the real attraction. It's the audience members.

Tattoos on necks. A complete disregard for cleanliness and decency. Obese retarded people.

We sat in front of a homeless vagrant who kept belching and singing.

I still have no idea what the show was about.

There was plenty of fighting. Plenty of public nudity. Plenty of interventions waiting to happen.

But in the end, it was rather boring. Because you expect the unexpected... there's no surprise. It's all ridiculous. All absurd. All predictable.

Jerry Springer has been doing this show for 17 years now. I have no idea how he does it with a straight face.

I guess it's easier than being mayor.

Austin, USA

2007-12-03T15:04:00.000-06:00

Austin, Texas has always been a vibrant combination of youth, music, energy and technology.

However, the word got out.

Suddenly, all these people who were told that "Austin is cool" have moved here.

The city is ripe with high-tech, high-rise condos. There are hip pan-asian health food boutiques. Everyone has a California drivers license, blond hair and excellent teeth.

It's like parachuting in to an episode of The Real World.

The whole city is obsessed with maintaining that edge, a remarkably difficult task.

Unfortunately, becoming 'hip' tends to outprice the truly hip away.

It's a double edged sword. Austin used to be 'cool', but there was extremely little to do.

Now, it seems that they've paved parking lot, put up a paradise.

Los Angeles, USA.

2007-10-09T12:36:00.000-05:00

I stumble across Google's new Streetview and realize that I can wander around my neighborhood in Chicago even though I am sitting on a park bench roughly 2 thousand miles away.

We live in the future.

Am I the only one who is completely blown away by this?

Houston, USA.

2007-09-21T06:24:00.000-05:00

"Do not reverse. Serious Tire Damage!"

I know that I should be deeply concerned about this, but thanks to the miracle of something called a 'loss damage waiver' there's really no consequence to hearing what the sound of four perfectly good tires blowing out at once would sound like.

Would they all pop at once?

Would the rental car company employees actually notice if I return the car on it's rims?

These are the ridiculous theoretical questions one asks oneself when it's 430 in the morning and one's brain cannot properly function.

There's no amount of coffee that can counteract the effects of three hours sleep. I guess eventually the brain catches up to the rest defecit. Perhaps it happens after breakfast? Perhaps it reaches equilibrium somewhere in the afternoon... perhaps it takes an entire day of Cheetos and VH1 to recoup?

The hallucinations hit once I get into the terminal.

It's a cow. Wearing a spacesuit. Waving the flag.

Houston, we have a problem.

Sacramento, USA.

2007-08-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

A few off hours in beautiful Sacramento.

I figured I'd go say hello to the man in charge. Tell him how great a job he's doing.

One of the best things about the American system of government is that the people are truly empowered to challenge their elected officials to a hearty conversation in the halls of the legislature.

So, I walked in like I owned the place...

Felt kind of like John Connor....

It's not every day that you're more afraid of the 'secured' than the security.

New York City, USA.

2007-07-19T18:03:00.000-05:00

The words "massive explosion" are not ones that you want to hear in the same sentence as "congested business area" or "right down the street".

There's a giant hole in the ground about thirty feet away from my window.

Apparently, it's was a buildup of steam.

I know nothing about how steam works. What I do know is that it took me ninety minutes to convince the police to let me into my hotel last night. The corner of Lexington avenue and 41st street is destroyed .

Room service tasted like asbestos.

People in New York are able to deal with anything. I expect someone to be outside selling T-shirts later on this afternoon.

New Jersey, USA.

2007-07-13T00:45:00.000-05:00

"In the day we sweat it out in the streets of a runaway American dream. At night we ride through mansions of glory in suicide machines. Sprung from cages out on highway 9,Chrome wheeled, fuel injected and steppin' out over the line. Baby this town rips the bones from your back. It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap. We gotta get out while we're young... 'Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run."

Montreal, Quebec.

2007-07-02T11:39:00.001-05:00

Three days. Two bachelors. One murder.

An amazing weekend in French Canada. A collection of my best friends, future brother-in-laws and a room full of strangers wearing white.

All in all, a truly memorable weekend.

Montreal is without a doubt, the most fascinating place on earth.

I can't begin to explain all the highlights. Perhaps it was the thirty thousand people in the park for the Manu Chao show at the Montreal Jazz Fest. Perhaps it was the all night party at the Pound. Perhaps it was just the moment I realized that it was all actually happening.

Of course, narrowly avoiding getting shot in the streets of St. Henri was definitely unforgettable. We stumbled back to our place and heard some loud bangs. I figured it was just Canada Day fireworks.... then we saw the police cars and ambulance pull up alongside the building.

I'm extremely lucky to have such good friends and wonderful timing.

Chicago, USA.

2007-06-22T20:36:00.000-05:00

They say that the truth is stranger than fiction.

It's not everyday that you can honestly say that you "tripped over a drunken foreign midget" last night. But it happens.

I really didn't see her behind me.

Perhaps she was trying to hide.

Perhaps she was trying to bite my knees.

Perhaps she was hoping for a massive insurance company payout.

Or perhaps she was just a really sweet little person minding her own business.

Either way. She hit the ground like a really small bag of potatoes.

Then, she couldn't get up. Like honestly, could not walk.

There comes a point where all you can do is look at your friends and try to get a read on the situation. Get some guidance on how to deal with what's going on. All I could see was wide open mouths. Sunglasses falling off of noses in disbelief.

I felt like I had killed an Oompa Loompa.

Suddenly, from the sidewalk... a frazzle of activity. Our little friend gets up... starts mumbling in drunken Spanish... screams out "Happy New Year!" and waddles away to get another drink.

I was done for the night.

Santa Monica, USA.

2007-06-10T18:36:00.000-05:00

I love hotel people.

They are always smiling and always nice and always trained to make you feel like you are the most extra special person in the whole wide world.

They look interested in your rambling mumbo jumbo.

They care about how you feel.

They want you to have the bestest day of all time every single day in every single way.

They are deeply concerned about the weather.

They are deeply concerned about your towel and pillow preference.

Anything you say is treated as if it is the word of the prophet.

Walking through doors is like parting the red sea of door-holders and valet servants.

"Would you anything else Sir?"

"Uh huh."

Chicago, USA.

2007-06-05T23:12:00.000-05:00

Mirrors just reflect the simple surface image.

They show you exactly what you want to see.

Chicago, USA.

2007-06-03T22:27:00.000-05:00

I can't get the song "Night Birds" by Ryan Adams out of my head.

It's haunting. A tender ballad that explodes in a cachephony of reverb as the final verse rings out. A song where you can really feel the emotion. I think that it's his best work.

Meanwhile, we find ourselves in the midst of Chicago, a temporary beachside resort.

Days full of bike rides down the lakeshore and baseball games in the sunshine. Nights where the ceiling is punctuated by hundreds of LED lights, washing the lounge in synchronized style.

Summer is ready when you are.

San Francisco, USA.

2007-05-31T23:46:00.001-05:00

There must be something in the water.

From the gold rush to the hippie movement to the dot-coms, San Francisco has always been at the center of American innovation.

I find it incredibly hard to sleep here. Not because of some pulsating urge to create but rather because of a somewhat-validated fear of the ground crumbling beneath my feet.

Everything's a trade off.

Boston, USA.

2007-05-30T21:43:00.001-05:00

Ok. So America is in the midst of this nutrition craze.

Every food product on the market seems to be hyping up some nutritional information in order to sell massive quantities to good-intentioned folks who think that a Grande is a small.

Enter chocolate bar.

It's no small stretch of the mind for one to realize that chocolate bars aren't that great for your body.

However the bright people at chocolate-bar company have learned that by putting a "45% less fat" label on their artery clogging product, they'll sell more candy to those who really shouldn't be eating more candy.

45% less fat than what? Gravy?

They don't quite say. Which is ok.

People believe what they read and they rarely ask questions.

Chicago, USA.

2007-05-29T16:46:00.001-05:00

A Social Experiment.

Two cups full of water are left in an office ... one labeled "Poison" and the other labeled "Not Poison".

People who walk by and are looking for a glass of water almost exclusively grab the cup labeled "Not Poison". Why?

It's a question of source validity.

For some reason, people believe the stranger who labeled (and, quite possibly also poisoned) the cups is telling the truth.

What would you believe?

Newark, USA.

2007-05-19T08:49:00.000-05:00

Dear America.

Thank you for the increased security at the nation's airports.

Thank you for placing this clear and concise message that will undoubtedly make the evil foes of freedom think twice about packing fireworks in their carry on luggage.

Way to go, team.

Mission Accomplished.

Chicago, USA.

2007-05-06T02:21:00.000-05:00

There's this ridiculous billboard up in the middle of downtown here in Chicago.

It went up a few days ago. Since then, it seems like every happily married couple in the city has been having second thoughts.

It may be the perfect advertisement.

It shows some pretty hot human bodies.

It uses humor.

It speaks a basic truth.

It has a great call-to-action.

It must be a sign of the times.

Sure, it makes me laugh.... but it makes me upset. "Till death do we part" has become "Till death or until something better comes along do we part".

That's pretty fucked up.

Chicago, USA.

2007-03-14T22:38:00.000-05:00

The power of social networking becomes apparent when you start to think of all the actual people who are involved. No place is better to study this phenomenon than the center of an arena full of screaming Justin Timberlake fans. Twenty thousand screaming females. Twenty thousand posts just waiting to be uploaded to twenty thousand MySpace pages. Twenty thousand wireless leashes connecting twenty thousand opinions to one another. "Oh my God" gets digitized and flash-banged across the planet. You are not what you eat. You are who you know. Suddenly just the act of 'being there' makes you the coolest kid in class the next day. The not-so-subtle irony of posting this diatribe on a syndicated blog is not lost on the author whatsoever.

Chicago, USA.

2007-03-10T18:37:00.000-06:00

The spring thaw happens.

The rhthym of life shifts from 6/8 into a steady 4/4.

Chicago, USA.

2007-03-05T07:30:00.000-06:00

A newsless weekend.

Apparently Daylight Savings Time will happen earlier this year.

I have no idea how this sort of thing makes the news.

I'm still on Daniel Standard Time.

Amazed that MTV still plays music videos in the morning.

Thrilled for the immediate future.

A little more hip than hop.

Montreal, Quebec.

2007-02-25T21:25:00.000-06:00

Jusqu'ici tout va bien...

San Salvador, El Salvador.

2007-02-06T23:39:00.000-06:00

Central America.

A large, vibrant city.

Volcanoes.

Adventure.

A beautiful place full of surprises.

New York City, USA.

2007-01-30T16:26:00.000-06:00

The city sparkles with the promise of commerce and industry.

The city.

A hundred thousand million pounds of concrete and steel.

A place where you're so important that you don't even matter.

Screw Las Vegas. This is the real casino of life.

Everyone's a winner.

Toronto, Canada.

2007-01-29T11:34:00.000-06:00

There are good weekends... and there are great weekends.

San Antonio, USA.

2007-01-26T00:03:00.000-06:00

'Remember the Alamo'.

It's the slogan for the whole region.

It's quite easy to remember. It's right there smack dab in the middle of town.

I wonder what people will remember about our lives hundreds of years from now.

'Remember Tupac' is in a totally different catagory. Right?

San Antonio, USA.

2007-01-24T18:37:00.000-06:00

The first thing you notice in Texas is the sky.

The wide open spaces are the catalyst for brilliant observation.

Chicago, USA.

2007-01-20T17:43:00.000-06:00

You don't need a license to be crazy.

I should have recognized the instant I got into the cab.

45 minutes of highway from O'Hare to home.

Oh the things we learn.

Really? The apocolypse is coming next week? Awesome.

Houston, USA.

2007-01-19T11:55:00.000-06:00

The phrase "Ice Storm" conjures up images of natural disaster, industrial chaos and crystalized roads.

Of course, in Texas whenever it drops below 60 degrees... they call it an "ice storm".

The papers tell stories about how the town is crippled.

Death and destruction.

Mayhem.

The storm of the century.

Meanwhile, it's merely kind of cloudy outside. You have to wear a light jacket.

It's uncomfortable BarBQ weather.

Dallas, USA.

2007-01-18T00:55:00.000-06:00

They promise a wonderful assortment of dining options.

They deliver no less than 20 Texan barbeque joints.

It is impossible to even think of a salad.

And then you have these icons that I do not understand.

What do they say?

No hot dogs?

No 1970s automobiles?

Los Angeles, USA.

2007-01-16T19:53:00.000-06:00

Consider this.

The price of ice cream should fluctuate like the price of gasoline based entirely on supply and demand.

Las Vegas, USA.

2007-01-15T10:58:00.000-06:00

There's no better way to reset your moral compass than by finding yourself at the annual Adult Video convention in Las Vegas.

Uh huh.

The pornography "convention".

Most industries have some sort of annual meeting where they can discuss future trends in business and the current state of the marketplace.

I still have no idea what they could possibly have been discussing at the porn convention.

"I think that we should do more doggystyle this year"

"No! I wholeheartedly disagree, that's so 2004. This is clearly the year of missionairy"

"While I respect your opinion, it is clear that we must adapt to our customers!"

"I propose a 50/50 split"

"Agreed!"

It is truly a strange world.

Las Vegas, USA.

2007-01-14T19:39:00.000-06:00

There are these atrocious TV dinners made by the brand "Hungry Man" that graciously offer over 1 pound of grizzlely cholesterol and saturated fat that promise to completely satisfy one's hunger.

Las Vegas is a Hungry Man TV dinner.

Questionable nutritional value, pre-packaged fluff. Over one pound of food. Deep fried, frozen and reheatable. Served 24 hours a day.

This is a town that spends millions of hours telling the world how great, wonderful and painfully cool it is. It screams like the Hungry Man that it is. It wants you to consume mass quantities. It wants you to overindulge.

There are no surprises in Vegas. You know exactly what you're going to get.

Las Vegas is not a well balanced meal.

Chicago, USA.

2007-01-10T19:42:00.000-06:00

There is no place in America more spectacular than Chicago.

A wall of steel and glass pressed against the inland sea.

Life. 100 stories at a time.

The plane banks in from the east.

As many pictures as time will allow.

Washington DC, USA.

2007-01-09T13:50:00.000-06:00

A land of bureaucratic lunacy.

Ok, so let me get this straight.... if you smoke on the elevator, you get a $25 fine? Twenty Five dollars? I think that's the cost of like two packs of cigarettes.

That's not a deterrent... That's a challenge.

Chicago, USA.

2007-01-02T02:05:00.000-06:00

We all claim to be smart and civilized people.

Nonetheless, we all celebrate the arrival of a random date on the Pagan calander.

We dress up in moderately fancy clothing.

We overpay for overfun.

Chicago, USA.

2006-12-29T00:22:00.000-06:00

Chicago loves meat.

But going to a Brazilian Charrascura restaurant is like having a non-stop meat orgy.

It comes from all directions. Meat meat meat meat and more meat.

The place puts the meat back in Christmeatsas.

Chicago, USA.

2006-12-23T17:59:00.000-06:00

"Half the game is mental; the other half is being mental."

Chicago, USA.

2006-12-20T16:26:00.000-06:00

They crawl throughout the sprawling merchandise aisles.

My fellow urbanites are consumed with Fa La La La La.

They need the satisfaction that comes from owning a little piece of something else.

A shiny new. A sparkling. A bright flashing dazzling screaming slashing.

They won't love you if you don't buy this now.

Nothing clears the store shelves like the impending fear of "being too late".

"You forgot Christmas" means nothing in Africa.

Toronto, Canada.

2006-12-17T00:22:00.000-06:00

The true north strong and free.

This afternoon my waiter looked like a pedophile.

It's hard to describe what that means.

But you just know what I'm saying...

You just know.

I always go to the same restaurant here.

It's been years.

I have no idea why.

The food tastes like Polonium 210.

The decor is atrocious.

The waiter wishes I was a twelve year old boy.

But it's a "part of the neighborhood"....

Meanwhile, at a party later in the evening a woman starts ranting on about how she loves running the marathon...

I'm like... "Excuse me, who did you eat who ran a marathon?"

She continues on her fantasy rant.

"The Marathon is so great! The marathon is so wonderful!"

I'm wondering what kind of restaurant this place called "Marathon" is.

I'm wondering if the Marathon comes with a side of fries. ..

Winnipeg, Canada.

2006-12-11T19:30:00.000-06:00

Paint the town white.

It really is quite a beautiful place.

Perfectly flat. Miles upon miles of horizon.

A town where everything is literally frozen in time.

An inverse place.

Everything on the ground is monochromatic while the sky is a canvas.

There is no chaos.

There are no loud noises.

There is no rock and roll.

(You're home, baby.)

Winnipeg, Canada.

2006-12-08T21:19:00.000-06:00

A picture says a thousand words.

This picture's thousand words start off with... "Ok.. so this guy decides to jump a plane and go to Winnipeg. Uh huh. Right. Winnipeg. Oh look. It's wintertime freezing. Wow. What a shocker...now.... what to do...hmmm.... "

There are still about 983 words left.

This is going to be one hell of a weekend.

Chicago, USA.

2006-12-05T00:45:00.000-06:00

After spending a good portion of a month in Japan, it only made sense to go find the freshest sushi in town.

The Shedd aquarium is one of the finest Aquariums in the world. That's what they keep telling you. .. I have no idea who decides and ranks Aquariums, but it sounds like a nice job to have.

I've been to a few of these places. They all seem to have fine gift shops. I kept asking the woman if they had any jewelery made from real dolphins. She didn't seem to get the humor.

Dolphins are apparently the smartest animals on earth. Clearly the definition of "smart" is directly linked the ability to swim fast and jump out of the water. This doesn't seem smart to me at all. If the fucking dolphins were so bright, they'd eat their trainers and build hovercrafts.

Chicago, USA.

2006-12-03T08:49:00.000-06:00

A very specific type of urban crawler attends events at art museums. It's strange to have to physically go somewhere to immerse yourself in culture when it is all around you every day.

Chicago, USA.

2006-12-01T07:11:00.000-06:00

Something’s changed. This is remarkably different. It’s not me doing the here-and-there this time. Instead, I get to sit on the uncomfy pleather chairs and watch the far away folks file by in the O’Hare arrivals lounge.

Where is she?

Everything is delayed. Afternoon has become evening has become nighttime has become double espressos at the ubiquitous Starbucks on floor B1.

This is a sport onto itself. There are a thousand stories and a million frequent flier miles that pass by every three minutes. Will Wilma from Duluth make her connection to Dubuque?

Delayed. Cancelled. Cancelled. Cancelled.

The train over here was remarkably interesting this time. A gentleman paced around the platform at Clark & Lake, loudly reading from a book. Here’s the thing though... he wasn’t crazy. Around his neck was a cardboard sign saying “Tag Team Reading, Tag In!”. An art school stunt gone right. I watched as he mulled about until a complete stranger tagged in. Fascinating.

Meanwhile I sit here grounded, metaphorically and literally.

A momentary delay in the non-stop.

It’s not that often that we get a chance to really observe the world around us. There’s no better place than O’Hare. Displaced street kids hanging out in the washrooms. Fat fatherless families from Oklahoma. Businessmen furiously thumbing commands into their blackberries. Foreign investment in the flesh. The immense overwhelming stench of lonely mixed with the gentle relief of familial reunification.

We try to learn their individual stories through simple extrapolation of the observed data available. Through the quick snippet of passing overheard conversation. Two hours ago, that man was in Omaha. A lifetime ago he was on the forty three yard line in Chicago. He loves the excitement of the big city. In his eyes he’s still the quarterback To the cabbie, he’s just another fare. As he tries to grab his bags from carousel 5, he fumbles the reception.

Meanwhile, her one hour flight is five and a half hours late.

This is why we need massive venture capital investment in the field of teleportation. It’s not quite there yet.

It’s snowing outside. Amazing how simple flakes of ice can change everything.

Welcome back, winter. Where you been?

Chicago, USA.

2006-11-28T07:19:00.000-06:00

Last night Guns N' Roses were in town. As much as I wanted to relive the memories of a time gone by, I was unable to drag myself to the Rosemount Horizon to check out Axl and his kareoke backup band.

Let me get this straight. Of all the bands in all the periods of my life, I never liked anyone as much as I liked GNR. I wore the T-shirts, I bought the albums, I watched the videos, I went to the concerts. They were my absolute favorite.

I still think that "Double Talkin' Jive" and "My Michelle" have their place in the pantheon of Rock classics.

I go onto YouTube and check out some wonderful historical documents.

But, you have to let the past lie. There's no point in spoiling old memories by watching a bastardization of the past.

You're in the jungle, remember? You're going to diiiieeeee.

Toronto, Canada.

2006-11-27T01:06:00.000-06:00

American Thanksgiving is always an interesting holiday.

We befriended the Indians, plowed them with alcohol and tobacco, tricked them, raped and killed them and stole their land.

We celebrate this and have the audacity to call it "Thanksgiving".

This year, I celebrated by getting the fuck out of the USA.

Tokyo, Japan.

2006-11-20T03:14:00.000-06:00

The adventure draws to a close with a fantastic 38 hour day.

Tokyo cannot be believed.

Keeping in the spirit of bigger/better/faster/more, the Japanese have even put a statue of Liberty on the modern marvel that is Odaiba overlooking the Rainbow Bridge crossing Tokyo Bay.

This is a place where you could spend a lifetime and still only see a fraction of what is available.

Nagano, Japan.

2006-11-15T03:09:00.000-06:00

I clearly remember the winter of 1998.

We sat huddled in front of the television in St. Henri in the aftermath of the great Montreal Ice Storm watching the Nagano Olympics.

Flash forward eight years.

High up in the Japanese Alps, we discover the actual medal plaza from the Nagano games.

It has been turned into a parking lot.

A parking lot.

Paved paradise, put up a parking lot.

The medal podium still remains. As does the Olympic torch.

The rest is just row upon row of Toyotas.

Everything is temporary.

This place was the center of global attention for two weeks in Febuary 1998, now it is just another Olympic consequence. Forever indebted to pay for the expenditures of a quickly forgotten era.

The locals here are not fond of the Olympics. It is a memory best forgotten.

This town is spectacular though.

It's like Whistler with extra ginger.

Hiroshima, Japan.

2006-11-13T18:49:00.000-06:00

Speak about heavy.

Took train number #666 to Hiroshima on Rememberence Day.

Wasn't really sure what to expect.

A vibrant city, full of life. One of the most lively in all of Japan.

Never thought I'd be singing Elvis Kareoke in one of the most tragic sites in human history... it seems to be fitting in the strange place that is Japan.

The next morning, I took the tram to the "Atomic Bomb Dome" stop. Went to the museum.

Japanese museums do not hold back or dumb things down. Learned how to create nuclear fission by slamming protons into Uranium 235. Learned how to fuse Deuterium and Tritium to make a hydrogen fusion device.

Witnessed the human consequences resulting from a true tragedy.

The gift shop sold T-shirts and Hello Kitty merchandise.

Fukuoka, Japan.

2006-11-11T06:33:00.000-06:00

Took the bullet train south.

300 Km/h in a random direction.

Sometimes you really don't need to know where you're going in order for you to get there.

It's amazing how cultures influence each other. Here in the heart of South Japan, all the kids somehow believe that they're in the South Bronx.

Meanwhile, I wait for the excellent room to become available.

Kyoto, Japan.

2006-11-09T08:26:00.000-06:00

The monkey jungle. Oh my God. The monkey jungle.

Woke up, took a train into the wilderness... hiked up a mountain...frolicked with Japanese monkeys.

You know. Like just your average Wednesday afternoon.

Tokyo, Japan

2006-11-07T18:11:00.000-06:00

Generally a picture says a thousand words.

In Tokyo, a picture says thirty million words....

Tokyo is not your father's Oldsmobile.

A magical juxtoposition of neon hypermania and Zen-like calm.

This is truly like nowhere else on earth.

Chicago, USA.

2006-11-04T22:07:00.000-06:00

One giant leap.

Chicago, USA.

2006-11-02T03:21:00.000-06:00

A million dollar idea.

Engrave text and images into people's teeth with lasers.

A permanant form of body art.

Anything you want. Pictures of your children. Gang Affiliations. Memorials to your dead homies.

A cross between oral hygiene and tattoos.

Tattooths.

Toronto, Canada.

2006-10-29T23:53:00.000-06:00

It's always strange to come "home" during halloween season.

You're coming back to enjoy the familiar even though everyone is dressed up like someone else.

I dressed up like my parent's long lost son.

It wasn't a very creative costume, but I think I looked the part.

Atlanta, USA.

2006-10-26T07:19:00.000-05:00

Business travel is not as glamourous as it seems.

Travel corporations have learned that small personal touches make the experience more painless. The Hertz car rental company really likes putting your name up in lights. It's almost as if having your name in bold on an LED sign makes you forget that you're paying $300 a day to rent a deathtrap Taurus.

I like the south. The most interesting region of America.

It seems as though every Caucasian male in Georgia is named "Chad". It makes it remarkably easy to remember names. On an entirely different note, I kinda envision everyone in the country named Chad to be named Chad. An entire nation with the same first name.

I start imagining the Hertz car rental facility in my fictitious version of Chad... a thousand LED signs all displaying the name "Chad".

Kinda just like Atlanta.

Chicago, USA

2006-10-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

"Join us for an evening with Kevin Federline" says the sign.

"No."

Detroit, USA.

2006-10-20T11:15:00.000-05:00

The 26-foot tall Spirit of Detroit statute was dressed in a giant Detroit Tigers jersey by 10:45 this morning as a crowd of about 50 clapped and cheered outside the Coleman A. Young Municipal Center.

"This is just huge," said Lori Gerstenberg of Harrison Twp., who attended the ceremony with her mother, daughter and three friends. She sported a Brandon Inge jersey and her headband featured striped tiger ears. "Everything happens in Detroit!"

Paws, the Tigers mascot, revved up the crowd by dancing and pumping his fists in the air.
"Eat 'em up, Tigers!" responded the fans. "Eat 'em up!"

Then, someone shot Paws in the throat.

He stumbled back, made an 'arms-in-the-air' gesture to the crowd which either indicated cheering or dying... tried in vain to reach for his concealed 9mm pistol... and then he fell forward, impaling himself on the golden baseball bat meant to celebrate Detroit's return to the World Series.

Now here's the funny thing... the audience didn't react. They didn't notice. It was almost as if they'd see it before. Ms. Gerstenberg continued to light her crackpipe as she walked back into her hubcapless hoopty. The gentleman with the tattoo on his neck that simply said "Kill" did not flinch and he continued to make grandiose gestures of celebration as he pursesnatched.

A nice young fellow by the name of "J-Dolla" decided to offer the kind people a discount on his product. "Yo! Y'all get THREE biyatches for the price of TWO!!! Yeah YEAH! GO TIGGAS!!!"

Someone quickly discovers that baseball bats in fact CAN be used as effective street weapons.

It's a great time in Detroit.

Chicago, USA.

2006-10-15T02:55:00.000-05:00

Supply and demand.

The travel agent suddenly offered a Hawaiian Island cruise for 78% off. It sounded fantastic.

Fifteen days. Five stars. Wow wow wow.

Then we look at the television in the corner.

"Massive Earthquake Destroys Hawaii" screams CNN.

Images of flooded cities, horrible destruction and sad looking tropical beach people.

Hmmm.

This is neither here nor there.

We are definately not going to Hawaii.

Chicago, USA.

2006-10-14T03:33:00.000-05:00

Oh my god. It's so cold in this house. Ahhhhh.

I can feel myself dying.

So cold. So cold. AHHHHHH.

Fucking hell.

Wintertime hit me like a bus.

I feel remarkably warm.

Life is crazy.

Chicago, USA.

2006-10-08T09:50:00.000-05:00

"The Pirate Queen" is a new musical by the creators of Les Miserables and the producers of Riverdance.

A strange combination that was dictated by demographics it seems. Apparently, when you make a Venn diagram that combines the fans of both shows, the intersect point is massive. This is an example of corporate mathematical analysis leading to artistic results.

I don't consider myself to be a part of the 'intersect' group. I thought Les Miz was brilliant.... but I strongly believe that Michael Flatley and his Riverdance crew should be de-legged.

Anyways.

My parents were in town and we caught this show.

I'm honestly still not sure what it's about, but it wasn't what I thought.

First, I expeceted to see people in eyepatches singing Freddy Mercury songs. Nope.

Then, I expected at least one or two "Aaarghs". Nope.

Not even a single peg leg. Not a single pirate of any consequence.

Just a bunch of songs in minor keys. Suddenly everyone starts Riverdancing.

What the fuck?

Chicago, USA.

2006-10-04T07:10:00.000-05:00

You never see the moment of impact coming.

In literature, they call it 'Pathetic Fallacy' when the events in nature mirror the events in the book's storyline.

Apparently, God reads.

The minivan hits me at 70 miles an hour, thrusting me into the truck in front of me.

Goodbye Wanda the Honda.

There's this unique moment of slow motion that happens right before something catastrophic happens. You remember every second before, and almost nothing afterwards.

Yesterday was significant on so many levels.

Exactly one year since I moved to Chicago. The celebration of the end of a long spurt of almost contast travel. The instant realization that it's almost impossible to live a double-life. The final push I needed to toss out the socially awkward human baggage that was holding me down.

Everything became clearer.

I'm lucky to be alive.

San Diego, USA.

2006-10-03T13:54:00.000-05:00

A rooftop bar.

A blueberry mojito.

The sand soaked air blowing off the ocean.

The unique desire to release the animals from the Zoo.

You're free, baby. You're free.

Chicago, USA.

2006-10-02T11:33:00.000-05:00

There are good weekends, and there are great weekends.

They call this "Indian Summer", when it gets so hot in October that you end up at the beach.

I understand the Summer thing, but why the Indians?

This is why we had to scalp a homeless man.

Ah. The things you almost forget when you're having a good time.

Chicago, USA.

2006-10-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

Come on. Give me a sign.

Chicago, USA.

2006-09-30T03:22:00.000-05:00

Crashing a major event is all about confidence.

You head ninety six stories above the city.

You walk in like you own the place.

No eye contact, no storytelling.

Soon, you're drinking free Pinot Grigio with the most beautiful woman in the place.

Soon, you're getting random corporate strangers to take your picture.

Soon you're "that new guy in corporate from Tulsa" or "Jose from Mexico City, I hear he doesn't speak English."

Si Senor.